EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER

I’ve been working in my home office for the better part of the day and my mind is on overdrive.

Frequently, to clear my head I allow my brain a recess. Window staring is a favourite pastime of mine to clear an active mind. Fortunately, I am blessed with a bucolic view immediately across the street. Ironically, towards the left end of the serene forested field lies a large amusement park. Hideous.

Over the winter season this park has erected a new ride. Protruding from the landscape (adding to the hideousness) is a monstrosity with neon yellow tracks called the Behemoth. I hate this eye soar. I curse its existence every time I briefly gaze upon it.

However, today, I cannot tear my eyes away from the rise and fall of the coaster cars. I’ve seen this ride do at least fifty rotations on its tracks today. It’s mesmerizing. Watching it drop from its highest peak I am reminded of the sensation 'fear-excitement', a feeling that’s been absent from my rolodex of emotional recall for a long time.

I go through all the routine emotions I believe are required for a healthy and stable psyche… but I can’t remember the evocation of ‘fear-excitement’ as a routinely required emotion in my daily life.

This makes me wonder about the state of my emotional well-being. Should I be actively looking to bring about this emotion? Will I eventually become numb with the lost of this feeling? Is this why people turn to drugs or extreme sports or using drugs while participating in extreme sports?

I’m not really the sporty type (I’m petite and fragile) and I am too vain to start using drugs (accelerated aging, loss of teeth, destruction of body and all).

So what’s a girl to do? Ride the Behemoth? Did I mention rollercoasters are my sworn enemy? Help.